NB - this post was probably more apropos on Mother’s Day, but oh well. It was inspired by an exchange on another Substack on Mother’s Day about female strength. I hope that counts for something.
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If you follow current events, especially through traditional media, angels seem to be in short supply lately.
I don’t believe in the supernatural. But I do believe in angels.
There have always been angels among us, but not by dint of deity. Rather, by the capacity of the human heart. Especially the female heart.
In art, angels usually depict or take the form of women. Sure, Gabriel might get some props, but he’s a an anachronism. (And fictional.) I think it’s because women are literally our givers of life, and all the possibilities that emerge along with us. Good work there.
In my life, I’ve had several smart, strong, determined and loving women as role models. The better angels, for sure.
My paternal grandmother, Almerica Balducci Belenchia, born in 1903 in Senigallia, Italy. She came to America with her husband, Pio in the 1920s, leaving a prosperous life behind. “I had to come to America to become poor,” she said more than once. She raised seven children, four females. Each of the males ended up with different surnames, thanks to the US government. My dad had an “l” added by the Air Force; hence we became known as the “two-Ls.” My uncle Rudy became a Balanchia. While my “Big Nanny” was a stern and formidable presence, she raised a loving and caring brood. We were close to my aunts and uncles growing up; and the cousins — mostly — to this day. I have fond memories of watching pasta and christmas cookies being made at the Formica kitchen table as a lad. All was good unless you tried to filch some in advance.
My maternal grandmother, Ann Martino Schreiber. “Little Nanny.” Born 1912. Raised on a farm in southern New Jersey. Her mother died when she was an infant. Her stepmother abused her; she ran away, lived in an orphanage, and eventually settled in Yonkers, NY. Raised 5 children; 2 males, two females and one who transitioned (before that was really a thing.) Lost her husband young and suddenly. Worked as a seamstress into her late 80s. Outlived two of her children (including my mom) and her beloved brother Joe and husband, Edwin. She personified maternal love, standing by and supporting her children and grandchildren and even as the changes in the world and its evolving mores bewildered her. She was an amazing gardener, and the life of any party…especially one thrown for her!
“blessed be
she
who is
both
furious
and
magnificent”
― Taylor Rhodes
My mother, Carolann Katherine Schreiber Bellenchia. For starters, my mom was loud and strong against injustice way before that was cool. She was a fierce, largely self-taught intellect. Aspired to greater things, but married young and had 3 children (4 overall) right away. Was an adventurous mom. Loved loading the kids (as many as could fit, which was often too many) into the station wagon and heading off to find some cool place in nature. Was a feminist, believed in equality for all, personal responsibility and staying out of other people’s business, unless a wrong was being done, which she had no trouble finding and fixing. Became an early supporter of MADD, following the death of my 18 year old cousin at the hands of a repeated drunk driver. Battled mental illness after the sudden death of her father, which she felt responsible for. Left us way, way too soon. Warm, loving, tough, delicate. An iron butterfly. I miss her every day.
My wife, Jennifer. The “world’s most dangerous mom.” Raised in Wisconsin, put herself through college, came to NY to find her place, and created a life. The yin to my yang. The doer that complements my planner. A perpetual motion machine, who has rebuilt six houses…and counting. An ideal mom to two smart, active and adventurous boys; caught fish and frogs alongside them. A 2x cancer survivor, who put her head down and refused to break stride. Always looks on the bright side. Now settling into crazy-cat-ladyhood. Needs to work on her drives and her short game. I am the fortunate one: that she found me, and chose me. Did I mention she was smart?
My female peers in the Habitat NY network, whom I will not name for risk of incurring their individual and collective wrath, but who can be found leading operations in Albany, Ithaca, Newburgh, Schenectady, Syracuse, Ulster County, and elsewhere. They bring passion, compassion, razor-sharp smarts, and very pointy elbows to advocating for those who have been traditionally disenfranchised, and who need a hand up. They have also helped many a struggling dude to get his head out of his…. That so many successful Habitat for Humanity operations are led by women is not coincidental.
“My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent.” - Ruth Bader Ginsberg
I am grateful to have had positive female influences in my life to complement the noxious qualities that male leaders often have. Most of the terrible bosses I have had have been men.
The perilous time in our country and the world seems to be giving rise to more strong and active women carrying the flag of advocacy, service, equality, community and empathy that is needed to counter the dark forces that have emerged. Many can be found here on Substack. Check out my reads and recommendations to find some of them.
Hoping you get as lucky as I have been.
Al, this is very special. You continue to deliver, thank you. Hugs to Jenny.
Like you, my husband’s Irish forebears had their last name misspelled on entry to the US. He has a misspelled version. And you and I are both married to WI people. :)